in our shoes

Tuesday, March 25, 2008,9:03 PM

Last evening was a super unplanned date with some old friends. Dinner started with just Mariam, Nani & me(and Haziq). Later on, we were joined by Shafik, Hafidz and Nash and afterwards Faridz came over after being activated by Shafik. Heh. It was just like 1998-1999 once more.

We chatted, caught up on old times and just cant believe that we are now 25! Its been what? 9 years after secondary school. Shafik & Hafidz are in the police force, Nash with Fed Ex, Faridz's an IT expert, Nani's a nurse, Mariam's a trainee teacher and myself, working in a bank. We are not doing too bad. Considering we were the slackers of the batch. Hard to believe but we are all adults. OMG! We are old! A slightly more matured us though one thing has not changed, we are still full of crap! Heh.

Its nice to know that we are still friends after so many years. And that despite not meeting up for the longest time, we still had the chemistry and its as though we've always been keeping in touch.

Like i mentioned before, friendship requires effort. Period. And i guess yesterday was an effort.

Love.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Friday, March 21, 2008,10:37 AM

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

The following was cut from my younger bro's blog. I cried upon reading the entry. I miss my grandfather. Really.....

the memories

memories shall stay in my heart,
eventhough u are apart,
u left us all without a sign,
u were always strong in our minds

u were always there for sis,
when dad and mum were piss,
u luv her so much coz shes the eldest,
u dote her so much coz she was ure first

i was more closer to granny,
she took care of me from elementary,
but u were close to me as well grandaddy,
the lost of u is still felt deeply

the stories,
and jokes u shared,
some were funny,
and some were bad,
i was glad i gotto see you the last days of ure life,
but ure last breath,
was what i wanted to have

the indonesian songs i hear nowadays reminds me of you,
u like to listen to them on ure cassettes and radio too,
no more smell of clove ciggarette there will be,
it was all fated to be,
and life is just temporary...

yayi

suami,
ayah,
yayi,
kau lah yang ramai sanjungi,
ayah kepada anakmu,
suami kepada nyai,
cucu dan cicitmu telah kau temui,
hidupmu telah diakhiri dengan penuh berbakti

meninggalkan kenangan,
meninggalkan pelajaran,
kau yang telah memimpin kami,
saat kegelapan,
dan menembus segala rintangan

kau telah pergi,
membawa amalan yang akan ditimbangi,
ku harap roh mu akan dicucuri,
ya Allah ampunlah dosa2 yayi ku,
dan tempatlah dia di sisi orang yang disanjungi

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Friendship takes effort. Period.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Wednesday, March 19, 2008,3:59 AM

My last picture with my Yai. Eid Mubarak 2007. In loving memory.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

You know what they say. You'll only miss it when its gone. Thats what I'm feeling now. My beloved grandfather passed on. A date to remember. 04.03.08.

A week before him passing away, he was admitted to CGH ICU ward due to a heart attack. Out of the 8 days he was at hospital, I only saw him on 2 days. I can never forget they way he looked. Thinner and somewhat weak. Tubes and wires were everywhere. I couldnt bear to see him in that state. Call me a baby, but when I saw him, I had to hold back my tears. I have never remembered ever seeing him in such a state. He couldnt even speak. I could only make out what he wanted to say by the words he traced out on his blankie using his finger. He managed to 'write' out his intentions of wanting going home badly. I never knew that those few hours I spent at the hospital were my last few hours with him.

He was my maternal grandfather. Someone I was close to when I was a child. I remembered sitting at the back of his bicycle and he brought me around Tampines to look at birds and we'll just have a good time. He was the person who would defended me when my parents were mad at me. I remembered him as a man I deeply respected. I remember him bringing me & my cuz, Far to the swings. He loved plants and birds. And his passion for antiques were proudly displayed at his showcase. I remember one incident clearly where he brought me to town. Just the two of us. I was so young,then.

But as I grew older, I rarely went over to visit him and my grandma. Busy, was often made an excuse. I often found myself searching for excuses not to visit for he was a pious man and me, a rebellious teen. Still I tried to make it a point to come over at least once a month.

When he was hospitalised, I thought it was common for old people to encounter these problems. But when I saw him at ICU, for the first time, it struck me that I could actually lose him - which I later did. When he was discharged, I was relieved. Maybe he's better now, I thought. I thought wrong.

The conversation that took place early morning of 04.03.08 was a conversation I could still recall clearly.

...My handphone rang @ ard 7.30am (04.03.08)

Cuz Far(sobbing badly) : Siti, Yai da stop breathing. Ambulance is bringing him back to CGH now.

Me (shock) : Ok, ok I get ready now and I cu there.

We hung up.

...My handphone rang @ ard 7.50am (04.03.08)

Cuz Far (stil sobbing..worse than before) : Siti, Yai da takde...

Me : Huh?

.............

I remember hanging up in disbelief. He was gone. Just like that. Without saying goodbye.

Now that he's gone, I still have visions of him. Maybe not everytime I close my eyes. But most of the time, I do. I miss him.

He IS my one & my only grandfather. All I have of him now are memories. Memories which I will keep in heart and mind. I love him. He definitely shall be missed. By me.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya (Hj Ahmad Bin Sirat). Amin.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>