Tuesday, July 10, 2007,9:48 AM
Its been weeks since I last had a good, undisturbed sleep. Naufal usually wakes me up twice a nyte for milk & a change of diapers. Yet tonight, when he's sleeping in the living room with my parents, I am still unable to get my much needed forty winks. There's just so many what ifs.
"What if he wants milk?"
"What if he wants me to pat him to sleep after his dose of milk?"
"What if he senses i'm not anywhere near him?"
I know that my mum will take good care of him through the night yet I just am not settled enough to sleep.
Motherhood is just a weird thing. Its amazing how one's needs & one's wants contradicts.
Eg. I am yearning for a one on one date with hubs. Maybe a movie or just a dinner. Just us. I know I can count on my parents or my in laws to look after Naufal for a few hours but I just cant bear to leave him at home.
Or like the time I was down with high fever. My temperature ran up 39.7deg. My boobs were engorged and yet as self centered as I might be, instead of resting & focusing on getting better, I was more worried about Naufal. Worried that he might catch whatever I was having & true enough, he caught a flu & cough shortly after. I felt so guilty each time i had to put nose drops into his nostrils or feed him his cough syrup. It must have hurt his tiny body so much coughing & sneezing away.
Peculiar aint it?
I know i keep repeating this but Naufal is of utmost importance to me. Nothing else matters.
>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>
