in our shoes

Thursday, June 12, 2008,2:34 AM

i've moved.

http://raudhanggunz.multiply.com/

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Tuesday, March 25, 2008,9:03 PM

Last evening was a super unplanned date with some old friends. Dinner started with just Mariam, Nani & me(and Haziq). Later on, we were joined by Shafik, Hafidz and Nash and afterwards Faridz came over after being activated by Shafik. Heh. It was just like 1998-1999 once more.

We chatted, caught up on old times and just cant believe that we are now 25! Its been what? 9 years after secondary school. Shafik & Hafidz are in the police force, Nash with Fed Ex, Faridz's an IT expert, Nani's a nurse, Mariam's a trainee teacher and myself, working in a bank. We are not doing too bad. Considering we were the slackers of the batch. Hard to believe but we are all adults. OMG! We are old! A slightly more matured us though one thing has not changed, we are still full of crap! Heh.

Its nice to know that we are still friends after so many years. And that despite not meeting up for the longest time, we still had the chemistry and its as though we've always been keeping in touch.

Like i mentioned before, friendship requires effort. Period. And i guess yesterday was an effort.

Love.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Friday, March 21, 2008,10:37 AM

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

The following was cut from my younger bro's blog. I cried upon reading the entry. I miss my grandfather. Really.....

the memories

memories shall stay in my heart,
eventhough u are apart,
u left us all without a sign,
u were always strong in our minds

u were always there for sis,
when dad and mum were piss,
u luv her so much coz shes the eldest,
u dote her so much coz she was ure first

i was more closer to granny,
she took care of me from elementary,
but u were close to me as well grandaddy,
the lost of u is still felt deeply

the stories,
and jokes u shared,
some were funny,
and some were bad,
i was glad i gotto see you the last days of ure life,
but ure last breath,
was what i wanted to have

the indonesian songs i hear nowadays reminds me of you,
u like to listen to them on ure cassettes and radio too,
no more smell of clove ciggarette there will be,
it was all fated to be,
and life is just temporary...

yayi

suami,
ayah,
yayi,
kau lah yang ramai sanjungi,
ayah kepada anakmu,
suami kepada nyai,
cucu dan cicitmu telah kau temui,
hidupmu telah diakhiri dengan penuh berbakti

meninggalkan kenangan,
meninggalkan pelajaran,
kau yang telah memimpin kami,
saat kegelapan,
dan menembus segala rintangan

kau telah pergi,
membawa amalan yang akan ditimbangi,
ku harap roh mu akan dicucuri,
ya Allah ampunlah dosa2 yayi ku,
dan tempatlah dia di sisi orang yang disanjungi

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Friendship takes effort. Period.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Wednesday, March 19, 2008,3:59 AM

My last picture with my Yai. Eid Mubarak 2007. In loving memory.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

You know what they say. You'll only miss it when its gone. Thats what I'm feeling now. My beloved grandfather passed on. A date to remember. 04.03.08.

A week before him passing away, he was admitted to CGH ICU ward due to a heart attack. Out of the 8 days he was at hospital, I only saw him on 2 days. I can never forget they way he looked. Thinner and somewhat weak. Tubes and wires were everywhere. I couldnt bear to see him in that state. Call me a baby, but when I saw him, I had to hold back my tears. I have never remembered ever seeing him in such a state. He couldnt even speak. I could only make out what he wanted to say by the words he traced out on his blankie using his finger. He managed to 'write' out his intentions of wanting going home badly. I never knew that those few hours I spent at the hospital were my last few hours with him.

He was my maternal grandfather. Someone I was close to when I was a child. I remembered sitting at the back of his bicycle and he brought me around Tampines to look at birds and we'll just have a good time. He was the person who would defended me when my parents were mad at me. I remembered him as a man I deeply respected. I remember him bringing me & my cuz, Far to the swings. He loved plants and birds. And his passion for antiques were proudly displayed at his showcase. I remember one incident clearly where he brought me to town. Just the two of us. I was so young,then.

But as I grew older, I rarely went over to visit him and my grandma. Busy, was often made an excuse. I often found myself searching for excuses not to visit for he was a pious man and me, a rebellious teen. Still I tried to make it a point to come over at least once a month.

When he was hospitalised, I thought it was common for old people to encounter these problems. But when I saw him at ICU, for the first time, it struck me that I could actually lose him - which I later did. When he was discharged, I was relieved. Maybe he's better now, I thought. I thought wrong.

The conversation that took place early morning of 04.03.08 was a conversation I could still recall clearly.

...My handphone rang @ ard 7.30am (04.03.08)

Cuz Far(sobbing badly) : Siti, Yai da stop breathing. Ambulance is bringing him back to CGH now.

Me (shock) : Ok, ok I get ready now and I cu there.

We hung up.

...My handphone rang @ ard 7.50am (04.03.08)

Cuz Far (stil sobbing..worse than before) : Siti, Yai da takde...

Me : Huh?

.............

I remember hanging up in disbelief. He was gone. Just like that. Without saying goodbye.

Now that he's gone, I still have visions of him. Maybe not everytime I close my eyes. But most of the time, I do. I miss him.

He IS my one & my only grandfather. All I have of him now are memories. Memories which I will keep in heart and mind. I love him. He definitely shall be missed. By me.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya (Hj Ahmad Bin Sirat). Amin.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Saturday, February 09, 2008,9:02 AM

This will be a super long post. I can just feel it. So bear with me whilst i get on with my rantings..

January was a good month. Celebrated my birthday with the close few. Lunch with the colleagues and dinner with the Hubs and baby Naufal. A belated birthday lunch the following weekend with my parents & the brother.

And ouh, two gfs gave birth in Jan. The birth of Sarah Insyirah was on 1st Jan 2008 & Amra Maisarah on the 4th. Congrats to the beautiful mummies, Rai & Ais.

February,i got my results for Electronic Media and Print Media. B for Electronic Media. I guess thats a decent grade for a module that is so not me. Like i mentioned before, being an IT idiot and stuff. The module was tough. For me, at least. For Print Media, it was a distinction. Yay me! Heh. Pardon my joy. Its not often that i excel in my studies. I am usually seen as the lazy piggy..the slacker.

Still, the joy is shortlived cos i had to sit for my Public Relations and Mass Media Research exam just before CNY. Not that i celebrated CNY. Mass Media Research is a module i forsee failing? Not only is my lecturer a potential gay, but he seemed offended with my assignment on films depicting homosexual content. How to pass then?

But these aside, the main cause of my unhappiness is that i am so disturbed by the maid abuse story. The circle of friends is busy talking abt the maid who abused the 2mth old baby. Just watch you tube. I mean, oh man. I cant even bear to watch the whole 6 footages la. Who in the right frame of mind would have the heart to abuse a 2 month old infant?! Like WTH?! Even if the maid is not a mother herself, i thought women have a natural empathy towards kid? Where did that go?

Even if i were to give the maid the benefit that she was unfairly treated by her employer, it still doesnt give her any rights to take it out on a baby. The baby is at his/her most vulnerable stage of his/her life with no ability to fight. The mere innocence of the child. How could she even have the heart to do such a thing?!

Reason why i'm being so disturbed by this is for 2 reasons. 1)I'm a mother. 2)My maid will be starting work mid March. As a mother my baby come first. Regardless. call me crazy but if i find my maid so much as to lift a finger on my baby, i'll prolly beat her up then make a police report. No one messes with the mum & her baby. Heh.

*disturbed*

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Monday, December 24, 2007,7:39 AM

We are almost reaching the end of 2007 and in a matter of days we will be part of 2008, insya Allah. Its time once again for me to reflect on my doings in the past year and see how 2008 can be as good, if not better.

2007 was a year where I was truly tested. My patience and my ability to go through the difficulties I had in year 2007 was made worthwhile with hubs & darling Naufal by my side. Each new day brings about a different challenge and yet, to date I've managed to overcome these obstacles with them both around. I am thus, thankful for having them in my life.My own family, and yes, that includes you, small brother of mine. They were part of my pillar of strength. Despite all odds, still accepting me for the person I am.

I started my job in a bank and at the same time struggled to keep up with my adv dip classes. Just praying that HE shall continue to provide me with the determination to complete the course by mid 2008.

Friends? They form a huge part of me. My confidant and gossip partners. They know who they are. But just in case they forgot, gentle reminder, its Azreen, Ais & Suhaini. Yes babes. You guys make up a reasonable part of my life and despite the screwups, you guys are still the best!

To 2008, I look forward to Naufal learning to walk and hubs as loving as ever. And the rest of the close ones, still remain as dear to me as ever.

Amin.

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>

Friday, November 09, 2007,9:13 AM

Today marks the final day of my examinations for this present term. So much have happened over a short span of time. Lets see.

About some weeks back, I had to go through some stuff at work. Two of my team mates decided to go MIA and left me bombarded with questions from the management. Why am i answerable, you ask? Cos one was a friend whilst the other was my senior. Whatever reasons they have for their actions have no link to me whatsoever. But i was kept guessing why this happened and i somewhat got implicated.

Tat aside, i have been busy with my exams. Although i was only doing two modules this term, the toll was enough. Electronic Media module is no easy feat. Considering that i am so not technology savvy, an IT idiot at that & my lecturer was a deputy editor with CNA, he commands a certain level of commitment & much reading for this module. I am just glad the paper for this module is over and done with. I can only pray for the results. Heh. Print Media was slightly better. I fnd it slightly easier to understand the module as i am able to relate to this medium of media.

I have also been busy scouting for a domestic helper. Why? I would want to move back to Tampines for several personal reasons and only by hiring a domestic helper would i be able to move back.

I am just grateful that i am able to get through this past 2 months. On a lighter note, i am so looking forward to next weekend. My first weekend getaway with hubs & baby naufal. Yay!

Pulai Desaru. Here i come!

>>>and its just us.... and our shoes.>